So this is the real Rauf Ilwan, the naked reality- a partial corpse not even decently underground. The other Rauf Ilwan has gone, disappeared, like yesterday , like the first day in the history of man - like Nabawiyya's love or Ilish's loyalty. I must not be deceived by appearances. His kind words are cunning, his smiles no more than a curl of the lips his generosity a defensive flick of the fingers , and only a sense of guilt moved him to let me cross the threshold of his house. You made me and now you reject me. Your ideas create their embodiment in my person and then you simply change them, leaving me lost - rootless, worthless, without hope-- a betrayal so vile that if the whole Muqattam hill toppled over and buried it, I still would not be satisfied.
I wonder if you ever admit , even to yourself, that you betrayed me. Maybe you've deceived yourself as much as you try to deceive others. Hasn't your conscience bothered you even in the dark? I wish I could penetrate your soul as easily as I've penetrated your house , that house of mirrors and objets d'art , but I suppose I'd find nothing but betrayal there: Nabawiyya disguised as Rauf , Rauf disguised as Nabawiyya , or Ilish Sidra in place of btoh - and betrayal would cry out to me that it was the lowest crime on earth. Their eyes behind my back must've traded anxious looks throbbing with lust , which carried them in a current crawling like death, like a cat creeping on its belly toward a bewildered sparrow. When their chance came, the last remnants of decency and indecision disappeared, so that in a corner of the lane , even in my own house Ilish Sidra said:" I'll tell the police. We'll get rid of him." and the child's mother was silent -- the tongue that so often and so profusely told me :"I love you, the best man in the world." was silent. And i found myself surrounded by police in Al Syrafi Lane -- though until then demons themselves with all their wiles had failed to trap me - their kicks and punches raining down on me. You're just the same Rauf - I dont know which of you is the most treacherous - except that your guilt is greater because of your intelligence and the past association between us : you pushed me into jail , while you leapt free, into that palace of lights and mirrors. You've forgotten your wise sayings about palaces and hovels haven't you? I will never forget
In this passage Sa’id recalls his memories about his former friend Rauf , and the rise and fall of their friendship. After having been rejected by him because he had been to prison, he begins to realise how much Rauf’s principles have changed. He describes the dramatic change in Rauf by comparing it to the disappearance of “Nabawiyya’s love or Ilish’s loyalty.” This reference further highlights his feelings of betrayal towards all the people that he thought were to be trusted.
The next lines reveal that Sa’id doesn’t take credit for any of his actions, that he doesn’t perceive them as errors , rather he blames Rauf for having taught and raised him on the same principles that he now pretends to have forgotten: “Your ideas create their embodiment in my person and then you simply change them, leaving me lost- rootless , worthless, without hope.” His character appears to be very attached to Rauf, basing all his actions on the way he choses to react to them. When Rauf clearly rejects this mentality, Sa’id immediately feels as though he has wasted his life or done wrong. He can not stand on his own two feet psychologically and identity wise and thus decides to use the tactics that Rauf taught him against him. It is almost as if Sa'id returns to his creator, only to find his back turned against him and his entire purpose in life lost.
Ironically he contemplates : “ Hasn’t your conscience bothered you even in the dark?” His entire life , he commits crimes and feels no remorse, let alone addresses his conscience. However when Rauf commits more or less the same action, morals and such suddenly become a topic of interest and criticality to Sa’id.
He continuously compares everyone around him to predatory animals as that is his way of deciphering the people around him, describing them :”Like a cat creeping on its belly toward a bewildered sparrow.”, Him being the sparrow he views himself as the victim in the situation. Sa’id blames Rauf’s advice on his consequences with the law, he blames Sana for rejecting him because he’d never been there for her, he blames his wife for cheating on him and abandoning him for leading a dishonest life and going to prison. His thoughts reveal that he is a problematic person who avoids facing his weaknesses and instead seeks revenge and who to blame for his own actions.
I like how you mention Rauf and Said's past, how his relationship with Rauf had played a crucial role in his life as Rauf after all shaped Said into the man he was. I also like how you commented on the mentioning of morals in the text and how that it was rather ironic of Said to question Rauf's morals when he himself did not consider or question his own. I found your blogpost very enlightening as it provided details that allow us to understand Said much better
ReplyDeleteYou included a lot of good analysis within your posts that lends itself to a deeper understanding of this passage and the main character. I really thought you raised an interesting point when you mention how Said comments on Rauf's guilty conscience without even taking into consideration his own. Overall your analysis gives great insight into the character of Said in this passage.
ReplyDeleteA very succinct read, I liked the manner in which you conveyed this scene's impact in developing the person and his relationship with the other characters in the narrative. You could further build of this strong foundation by making mention of the scene's wider relevance within the historical setting of the book.
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